Why I Hate Mother's Day

It's coming. In just two days.

 MOTHER'S DAY... the day that I'm supposed to enjoy over all others.

But I don't.  And let me tell you why...

First of all, don't get me wrong.  I love celebrating my own kick-in-the-pants mother and totally angelic mother-in-law.  I don't, however, love celebrating me (as a mother).  First of all, you have to go to church and listen to the youth speakers sniff and sob about their own perfect mothers. They drown you with quotes and stories about sweet, lovely, self-sacrificing mothers which, instead of inspiring me, gives me a total guilt complex. Then, you're given store-bought gifts when in reality, the best gift in the world would be just to go 24 hours without touching someone else's pee or poo, or to have 8 hours of continuos sleep, or even just to discover what's causing that smell in the van!  Next, you're given these gooey cards written by some unknown person from Hallmark who sings your praises.  You're told, "You're the best Mother ever!"... when the truth is... I know I'm not.

Let the evidence speak for itself:

 Bad Mom Example #1: I know I don't feed my children healthy enough.  I buy pesticide-sprayed, processed food and feed my children chocolate everyday.  Because of course, if they stopped eating it, I'd have to too... That's not happening!

 Bad Mom Example #2:  My sons are completely obsessed with weapons.  'Nuff said.

 Bad Mom Example #3:  My kids are completely on their own for at least two hours everyday while I give my full attention to the neighbor kids for piano lessons.  The picture above shows what I was shocked to find after two hours of teaching... In a rush, I dragged sleepy Ashton in from the car and disappeared to teach.  He slept this way, face-down on hard wood for two hours. Good news–He did manage to breath somehow.

 Bad Mom Example #4:  I only volunteered in my kids' class ONCE this year.  Worst. Mom. Ever.

Bad Mom Example #5:  This picture speaks for itself.

 Bad Mom Example #6:   My husband tells me that photos like this should really disturb me in this day in age... but I find it absolutely hilarious.

Bad Mom Example #7:  This is a staged photo. No one decorates the tree but MEEEEEEE!

 Bad Mom Example #8:  My three year old still drinks from a bottle for comfort because I seem to be suffering from "Four Children Syndrome." In other words, I just don't care anymore.

Bad Mom Example #9: As much as I try to teach them otherwise, my kids are slobs and ill-mannered!

Bad Mom Example #10:  I am not an animal lover.  (My moms swears that this means I have a black soul and will surely not attain the highest degree of the Celestial Kindom.) Thus, I refuse to buy my children a dog. That's why we get pictures like the one above. My kids are probably all going to grow up to be cat/dog rescuers with reeking houses filled with at least 30 furry friends.

See?  Definitely not a perfect mother.... But that's only half of it! I also hate Mother's Day because one day a year, I am treated like a queen:

"Oh no, Dear! I'll change that diaper! You just sit and relax."  

Or... "Sit down, Mom. We'll clear the table!" 

 And how about... "We made our beds without being asked, Mom!"

See, that's all great.  Fantastic, really.  But what makes me mad is that it allows me to see what they're all actually capable of, but only willing to do ONE DAY A YEAR!!!  The next morning... 

Finished.  

Back to normal.

 Mom does the work of twenty.

Oh well, I guess getting pampered one day a year is better than none...

'Good thing that motherhood is worth enduring Mother's Day!